November 14, 2012 by AJ Briones
At our break time in between one of our trainings I happened to pass by my boss’ room and saw him and another training officer looking at his laptop and I did a short peek. I was so surprised that they were looking at my facebook timeline. They were reading my banner and I actually forgot what my boss said. It was actually about me being a pastor or something like that. It made me remember something that I have decided to let go for a very long time.
Since the day I became a Christian I have always wanted to become a pastor. I was so motivated of how I saw a Pastor from my mother’s Church named Pastor Gane Deslate. He was a good man. He was also my “Ninong.” Eventhough I was not really that close to him, I was so motivated by how he lived his life and so I wanted to become like him; a pastor by life, not just by preaching. Sadly, I let go of that dream because of probably offense. I started dreaming to be a pastor and let go of the dream of being a pastor because of another pastor. Let me correct myself; because of a number of pastors. I know two that are so memorable. In fact, they even had the same names. One harassed me in my own office because he was questioning why I had a girlfriend. He was questioning why am I not married yet and having along relationship with the girl and not even respecting our decision that my girlfriend and I wanted a long relationship; that we preferred it. When the guy with him mentioned and asked me when I wanted to go full time, he butted in and said I will never be a pastor because I had a girlfriend. Harassment, that’s what I call it. The second one was in an event. He was a guest and he asked me about my girlfriend. Same story but he focused on why I was keeping the relationship since I was not going to get married yet. Blatantly disrespecting the decision my girlfriend and I wanted. He didn’t mention anything about me wanting to be a pastor but it was such an insulting thing to know that a there was a pastor who was like that. If I’ll be a pastor and I’d be like that, “Wag nalang!”
I stopped looking at my dream from that day on and followed what another pastor told me. This was a message from a great pastor from our Church. He encouraged me and told me that “Function goes before title.” He encouraged me that I should keep on doing what I was doing and the title was going to follow.
Looking at the odds, two pastors encouraging me to be a pastor and two making me not want to be a pastor, I can’t help but to think, what path is right? To still believe in the dream encouraged by two people or believe in what two other people say that are so well known for being good pastors?
I know that you, the readers think that I am posting this in order to share a lesson but this isn’t really like that. This is what I call venting. Probably a part of healing and reminding myself that there are still people who encourage by life and by words even if there is still a large number who should be helping you but is still out there trying to overrule our own judgment and convictions; even declaring that your dreams and what you are having faith for will never happen. Remember, people can say loads of things but they can never say your future. They can never predict what your future will be. No one can.
How about me? All I know is, I have a dream and I don’t know if it will come to pass but what I know is that I still need to move forward; forward to find out for myself.
NOTE: Nobody actually knew about this. I guess this is a revelation. This is just a time to vent and not against anyone. That’s why I didn’t name people other than one that has really encouraged me by his life. The others? Let’s just keep their names confidential. Better not to say any names.